I would be honored if some of my classmates would play the story/game I created.
You can find it here: http://playfic.com/games/goaskjane/faction-11
Please let me know what you think of all of the different elements. I love feedback, and that’s the only way the story can get better, after all.
Not a classmate, but I just stumbled on this course from Twitter (#engl376) and I think it’s neat, and I like beta-testing things.
Things to try in “Factor 11″:
> examine alarm.
> examine marvin. wake marvin. kiss marvin.
> s. enter shower. wait. wait. wait. exit. enter shower. exit. examine me. examine mirror. examine hair. n.
> get wallet. open it. examine id. read id. examine photo. read number.
> open dresser. examine dresser. examine top drawer. examine bottom drawer.
> open drawer. get clothes. examine them. examine it.
> wear clothes. drop clothes. examine me.
> put clothes on marvin.
> n. w. panopitcon? s. check spelling throughout.
> s. s. n. s.
> s. s. wat
Apparently “follow the left wall” invariably leads to victory in seven turns. I’m… not sure how I feel about that?
> restart. n. n. w. n. w. get pistol. examine it.
> talk to merchant. shoot merchant.
> e. drop gun. drop pistol. w. examine merchant. take inventory. e. drop pistol again.
> get pistol. s. e. n. n. e. get rope. play clue. look.
> w. s. s. e. n. examine children.
> s. w. s. e. n. e. e. look. look. look for farmer.
> get all. open bag. open sack. open canister. examine flour. examine fruit. examine coffee.
> w. w. s. e. examine soldier.
> examine box. get box. open box. look in box. close box. say abracadabra. open box. examine box.
“Faction 11″ conforms to the stereotype that every first work of interactive fiction MUST contain at least one bathroom. I was disappointed that going outside without any clothes on was apparently unremarkable. Marvin intrigues me; honestly I was looking forward to the “puzzle” of figuring out what Marvin was (a son? a dog? a teddy bear? an imaginary friend? a hallucination? a personal computer?). I decided that I must be a single mother and Marvin must be my son, but who knows if I’m right. (Maybe I’m male. Maybe if I wander around without any clothes on for long enough, somebody will let me know.)
On the literary front, well, obviously it’s lacking a lot of polish (but in IF that’s somewhat tied up with the programming aspects too, such as the “enter shower. wait.” sequence above). Still, are room descriptions too much to ask? Re political themes: what exactly is my character’s motivation here? I’m just aimlessly wandering around this hex-based futuropolis collecting guns and other boom-boom stuff from friendly arms dealers. There’s something going on at the hospital, but it’s not fleshed out. I don’t know what “Faction 11″ is, but I know I’ve been conditioned to enter my state-issued ID number at every door, secret resistance movements be damned. Does this mean that Faction 11 is a front maintained by Big Brother to keep the radicals entertained while the running of society is left to those quiet ones in the “maintenance office”?
If the intent of the game is to evoke a “panopticon” of constant surveillance, then the instadeath rooms pretty much negate that intent; the message is “steer clear of the rooms where the guards are, and you won’t be bothered.” How about adding some kind of interaction with Big Brother? How about making certain *actions* off-limits, rather than certain *rooms*?
Fleshing out the protagonist’s character and motivation would of course be nice. Let’s hear more about Marvin. When I join Faction 11, can Marvin come with me, or must I leave him behind with the rest of my old life (whatever it was)? Where is Marvin’s father (and/or mother and/or manufacturer)?
Is Marvin hungry? Maybe he’d like some fruit. I hope the fruit holds out, because I’m pretty sure we can’t survive on flour and coffee alone.
Hey person I don’t know! I appreciate your testing my game (this is my first-ever game attempt, so play it with a grain of salt). This is actually a story I developed outside of the world of gaming, and thought it would be good to try and explore in IF. Follow the link at the end of the IF to find parts two and three. Let me know what you think of the whole story. Keep in mind, too, that what I’ve published is not entirely finished, as the story goes. I have a lot to add later, but I had to turn in what I could for my project for this class.
Understood.
Know that I only tear things apart out of helpfulness. 
Are parts two and three up yet? I looked, and saw much that was Panopticon-universe-related, but no more links to Parchment/Inform adventures.
Yes, there’s a link at the bottom of each page on the Panopticon’s website that will take you to the rest of the story.
Also, you can actually submit all of those forms on the website and get a response from your friendly Panopticon official.